Uncle Tom's Memorial

Uncle Larry, Papa, Uncle Tom

About 2 weeks ago, we found out that Uncle Tom's fight with cancer was not going well. The chemo was making him too weak, so he discontinued the treatments and was in hospice. Afterwards, he found out that it was a good decision since the cancer had spread. Last week, we lost Uncle Tom. It seemed to me way too soon.

Uncle Tom, Papa, Uncle Larry

Uncle Tom was Papa's last remaining sibling. He made it into his 70's, which I think is the oldest of all of the 11 sisters and brothers (Papa made it to 69). He and Aunt Carol celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary just recently. Those are two milestones that not everyone gets to see. But the loss of Uncle Tom just reminds me of my loss of my father-in-law. And losing all three of the brothers so closely, is also hard.

Aunt Carol's niece, Aunt Carol, and her sister

And yet, over this past two years and at the memorial, I've seen wonderful examples of strong women who have grieved and yet continued to live. Aunt Carol has her sister with her (and her niece, her daughter, and her ... well, if I list any more I will definitely offend someone by leaving them out, but there they are all supporting each other).

Aunt Joan, Grams, Aunt Carol with Aunt Jeanie behind

Recently, watching Aunt Joan, Grams and now Aunt Carol has provided me such a wealth of . . . oh, I don't know how to say it. These are not women who shrink, faint, or pity themselves. They grieve and cry like the rest of us would, but they continue on. Gracefully. Think of Audrey Hepburn, Jacqueline Kennedy, Grace Kelly.

All of this is just swirling in my mind and 'family' is starting to take on a different meaning, a bigger meaning.

I'm sure this is unique to Pop's family, but even at the memorial service, we take pictures of the family, segmented by age or status. Does your family do this?

Cousins

Second cousins

Spouses

And best of all . . . Widest age gap. This is Uncle Truman who was married to Aunt Peggie (Papa's sister) and the little one is Sandra's baby (Sandra is Keith's cousin) who started to cry as soon as he was set down on Uncle Truman's lap. And that is about as much detail as can be expected from me who married into such a family. Hopefully, its not too far from the truth!

The family is a haven in a heartless world.
~Attributed to Christopher Lasch (from quotegarden.com)